What Did You Call My Daughter?

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What did you call my daughter?

Words Matter

That fateful day that I waited at the end of the aisle for my beautiful wife to accept me as her husband, I didn’t realize how connected we would become—emotionally connected I mean. My wife can move my emotions as if she is the puppeteer pulling my emotional strings, devilishly laughing as I go from angry to sad, happy to mad.

My friends don’t have the power to move my emotions:

Friend:  I don’t think it is important for my kid to go to college.
Me:  It’s your kid. If you think that is best, no judgment here.
On the other hand, I could be sitting in the living room with my wife…

Wife:  I don’t think it’s important for our kid to go to college.
Me:  Are you freaking nuts? You kiss our children with that mouth. What?! You want them to grow up and be in charge of sitting in our living room. Actually, it’s your living room because we’re getting a divorce. I cannot sit around and watch while you RUIN my kids’ life!

Dramatic…I know.

I thought my wife was the puppeteer of my emotions, but I was wrong. In all actuality, my kids have a greater impact on my emotional world than my wife. Apparently, my emotions are tied to a tetherball string, and my kids have me spinning around in a circle going faster and faster. I didn’t know that my children could take me from 0 MPH to 100 MPH in 3 seconds. I will never forget the day it happened.

I was as happy as could be—having a great day in sunny San Diego.

My daughter gets in the car with me. As any great parent would, I asked my daughter, “how was her day?”

Daughter: Well, Daddy, Marcus called me the B-word.
Me:  Marcus called you the B-Word?
Daughter:  Yes, Daddy
Thoughts:  Jesus takes the wheel.  

I could feel the flames behind my eyes as I started to roll up the emotional roller coaster.

It was as if I was strapped into an emotional time machine whipping about the universe seeing my daughter’s future and the effects this horrendous word would have on her life.

In my vision, she was crying on my couch at 40 years old, telling me that she couldn’t amount to anything all because Marcus called her the B-Word years earlier. I zipped quickly back the present.

As I was driving, I was trying to keep it all together and not go insane. Not my child! He messed with the wrong one!

I am raising strong girls, and I didn’t want her to see me get too crazy.

The best I could do was be moderately sane; I mustered up a “thank you, baby, for letting daddy know.” I couldn’t wait for the next stoplight so that I could continue my e-mail to the teacher.

Dear Teacher,
It has been brought to my attention that Marcus referred to my daughter as the B-word. I would like to know how we plan to handle this.
Thank you

Good on me for sending an e-mail that is calm and professional.

The next day, I did what any reasonable parent would do in the situation. I stood outside the classroom, ready to fight. I waited for the teacher and let her know exactly what would happen moving forward in this situation, and that we would not tolerate any boy referring to my daughter in such a manner.

Of course, the boy claims my daughter was doing something to him. Who knows what happened? But that word…that word…shouldn’t…shall not…will not be used in reference to her.

Why was I so upset?

Why was this making me so emotional? Why did this matter to me?

It matters because words matter.

The company you keep matters.

What people say to you matters.

Most importantly, what you say to yourself matters.

All in all, my daughter handled her emotions a lot better than her father—girl power, I guess. I was a mess. My daughter told me that she was unaffected by his words and really didn’t care. She just told the teacher and me because she knew that Marcus shouldn’t say things like that to her.

I hugged my angel.

In my head, I was blowing snot bubbles crying and sobbing loudly because I was just so happy that her confidence was intact.

To her face, I just said, “Very good, baby. You shouldn’t allow someone else to tear you down.” I just smiled thinking, confidence in yourself is all I ever wanted. 

We, as social creatures, tend to take on the thoughts and the emotions of the people we are around. That is why bullying has such a huge impact on our children, but it also impacts adults. That’s why when you’re in a toxic environment, it affects your production and how you go about your life.

I’m sure that my daughter won’t be sitting on my couch at 40 crying about Marcus’s opinion of her, but if another boy calls her that or another boy teases her about something else… If all or that drama leads to the other girls distancing themselves from her, that combination can have a lasting effect on her life.

If you have friends who don’t value you or who drain you emotionally, or maybe your coworkers are toxic, that keeps you from being your best.

It keeps you from coming up with ideas to better your life.

You can say that you believe in yourself, but all that toxicity leads to the nagging in the back of your head—a negative mindset. Which also affects how much money you make and how you handle your finances.

Cut out the toxicity! I say, if you are in a toxic work environment, figure out how to make a move to a new work environment. Be sure to save up your money to make the transition easier. If your friends are bringing you down, are they really friends? Find people who lift you up—it all matters.

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