Hiding Behind the Wealth

Since I was a kid, my father taught me not to hide behind wealth. 

He refused to buy me anything to impress friends. Not that he was making a righteous stand; he was cheap and didn’t care to impress folks. I’m proud to say, I inherited that cheap gene.

However, in the early ’90s, you needed a pair of Jordan’s and a starter jacket. I never did get Jordan’s, but I did get the starter jacket, baby! Clean sneakers and a starter jacket meant that you had money to spend. My starter jacket said, “baby, you should get with me because I can provide for you.”

Silly right? The same thing happens in our adult lives—things become our status symbols.

It’s time to starting living in truth and ditch hiding behind wealth.

We Aren’t Born This Way

Children are born their true selves—pure. They are not worried about being naked unless they are cold, and they are not concerned about what anyone thinks. They want true necessities— food, water, and love.

As parents, we recognize our children’s innocence, and we work to protect them. We don’t want society to corrupt them, but we know that we must gradually let go as they get older.

While protecting their innocence, many of us are shielding them with our false selves. Let me explain: We all have curated a false self. When I’m alone, looking at myself in the mirror only then can I see the real me. Once my wife or children enter the room, I transform myself into my husband or father self. There is nothing wrong with this transformation.

The transformation/worry about is the one that happens when we walk outside our homes. It seems that we spend most of our day seeking approval from outsiders.

The Dangerous False Self

I believe the most dangerous false representation is when we present ourselves as having more money than we really have. I have seen families go down in flames, trying to present a money front. It happens at all levels of income. We not only want to keep up with the Joneses, but we want to have more than the Joneses. We have to show people that we are successful—we hide our true selves behind wealth.

Let’s be real, we all typecast people, and that contributes to hiding behind wealth. Somehow, he isn’t good enough for the job because he doesn’t look a certain way. If he doesn’t meet our standards, we look down on him. Hell, the way our society is set up, a woman is not a good mom if her kids don’t look a certain way. And what kind of man would you be if you allowed your kids and wife to drive a car or live in a home that didn’t look a certain way?  

This false self that we believe we have to uphold is breaking our families financially and making life mentally and emotionally draining.

Be realistic about your family’s financial situation.

You don’t need to impress the world.

The suit nor the money makes the man. Material things will rot or be thrown away—it’s meaningless. What is meaningful is the connections you make with your family and friends.

It’s hard to see this clearly when you’re working long hours to put up that money front to impress people who really don’t matter, people whose kids don’t even know your name, for a company that will spit you out when they’re done with you.

I work with people at all levels of income, and typically the results are the same. The outflow of their money almost equals their income. They will drive “nice cars” and live in “nice houses.” From the outside, everyone assumes that they have tons of money. Many times, it’s a straw house—one wrong turn, the house will come tumbling down. My concern is that 80% of Americans are living in straw houses, and 73% of Americans have less than $5,000 in savings, 58% have less than $1,000 in savings. This is astounding; it’s evidence that the majority of Americans are focused on the wrong things.  Read more about those statistics here.

Family Matters

We have to focus on what truly matters—family. My children come up to me often and say, “look at me.” I take the time to really look. I show them that what they do is important to me and I make damn sure that they understand that they are my life—that they mean more than anyone else. I want them to care about my approval because I’m their dad. The approval of loved ones matters! If they start to care about getting approval from outsiders, then they may begin to hide “behind the wealth.” They will buy that purse, expensive car, watch, shoes, or house to show people that they have value. Thus, starting a vicious cycle of obtaining money just to spend it carelessly to impress outsiders.

Throughout my life, my parents were hard on me. My father never wanted to buy me expensive things; however, I know I’ve always been my parent’s number one priority.

They taught me that I only need to impress someone outside of my intimate circle enough to accomplish my primary goal—making enough money to save for my future and leave a legacy and inheritance for my children and grandchildren.

Free Yourself

I understand that through social and traditional media, our society has adopted a norm that implies, “you need to wear what I’m wearing, eat what I’m eating and live in the kind of house that I live in.” I’m asking you to buck that norm. That road leads to a false sense of happiness.

There will always be someone more prominent, more prosperous than you. Use your money as a tool to free yourself. How do you do that, you ask?

It seems to be counter-intuitive at times, but I always say, “you will have more freedom when you spend less money.“

You’ll be free to be your true self.

You won’t have to impress anyone you don’t want to impress. You won’t need to work insane hours to keep up with the Joneses. Like Maxine Waters said, “you get to reclaim your time.” You won’t have to make yourself seem more significant than you are; you’ll be financially safe, and you’ll have nothing to prove—there’ll be nothing shameful about driving an old car.

The more laser-focused you are on living below your means, the need for approval from others dissipates. You will find out real quick who loves you for you. When the time comes to spend a little outside of your means, you’ll know who to spend it on.

You’ll be on the fast track to becoming a more authentic version of yourself—your true self—because you’ve stopped hiding behind the wealth.

Check out the original article published on Smerconish