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How to handle your money, your marriage, and your family
So, you’ve decided that you want to be self-employed. You want all the glory of being your own boss. I have to say there is nothing like it. All of the freedom—waking up when you want.
All of a sudden, it’s all on you to make the sales.
Sales?! Yes, sales!
The number one reason why people don’t want to be self-employed is that they don’t want to be a salesman. We’ll leave that to the people with no soul, they say. Although, I would argue that if you actually work for a living, you are already in sales. Nothing like going to a mandatory work event to show everyone you are part of the team! Or convincing your boss that you are an asset and deserve that pay raise. I will admit that becoming self-employed is not for everyone; it requires self-discipline. It is even harder when you have a family.
Yes, there is nothing like going from having money to having no money when you have a family with expectations. You technically trained your family to have higher expectations.
- We have plenty of money to buy whatever groceries we want
- Dad/Mom/Husband/Wife is always home at 6 PM
- Christmas comes every year, and I get what I want
- We went to Italy this year; should it be France or Germany next year?
The funny thing about a well-trained family is, it is tough to untrain them. Especially when life changes because you’re the one that made the decision to change it.
When you decide to become self-employed, three things are going to change in your world:
- Your money
- Your marriage
- Your family
Your Marriage—Childcare and Networking
Your marriage is most definitely going to change. Unless your spouse comes from the self-employed arena, they are not going to understand what you’re doing. You see, when you become self-employed, your spouse has a completely different idea in there head as to what that really means. To them, it means that you don’t have to work as long or as hard. It also means a flexible schedule so that you can pick up groceries or maybe stay home with the kids when they are sick. After all, you don’t have a boss to report to. Who’s going to tell you no? Nobody!
You’ll have to manage your own schedule.
In reality, you’re probably going to work 12-hour days. Your thoughts and feelings will be consumed by everything in your business to the point that even when your children are talking to you, you won’t hear a word that they’ve said. “What!? Excuse me. Did you say something?”
Networking events are the worst. In your mind, you have to go to an event and come up with a conversation that will get you “in.” Maybe you can convince someone to allow you to sell their product to them. For you, it is a necessary evil, but for your spouse, it seems like a grand ole time. To them, networking events look like parties. There’s drinking; there are people of the opposite sex. While you are having a grand ole time guess who’s home holding it down by themselves. Your spouse doesn’t feel guilty making you go home with a sick kid because you are always out “networking.” That will be one of the many disconnects that you will encounter with your spouse.
Your Family—Savages and Guilt Trips
Your family will also change. Since you and your spouse will be trying to get on the same page, your children will see the divide and will try to take advantage of the situation—those savages. You know your children are savages.
Their guilt game is epic.
Meaning, if you usually do anything for your children, like go out for ice cream on Mondays, now that Daddy decided to start his own business, we can’t get ice cream anymore. “I thought you would do ANYTHING for me!” Oh yes. They will do it to you without blinking an eye. Yes, your family’s expectation is that you are the same person, doing the same thing, at all times because after all, it was YOUR choice to be self-employed.
Unfortunately, I can’t give you very much advice when it comes to navigating your family’s emotions. After all, it is your family.
I will tell you that you have to find a reason why you’re doing it and try to decide if it’s worth it. If you think that in the long run, being self-employed will allow you to be a better spouse, parent, and friend, you will have to push through the rough times. However, what will make this harder for you is going into this without a budget.
Your Money—What’s your number?
Now, for some reason, I picture some of you wearing a little green visor with a calculator in their hands analyzing your spouse’s coffee purchase from the day. Please don’t do this, it’s just annoying, but what you do need to know is your number!
What is your number? How much money do you need for your family every month? Is it $2k/month? Is it $3K/month? What is the number? You absolutely need to establish what your financial responsibility is to your family before starting your business. After all, in the beginning, you are going to be hustling. Nothing like being broke and breaking up your family at the same time.
The absolute worst thing you can do is deposit your money from your business in a checking account that your spouse has access to, and it’s not because they are evil. It’s because they will view it as a paycheck. Paychecks are different than money from a business. Paychecks have all the employee deductions! Social Security, federal income tax, Medicare, state income tax, and a little disability, but they don’t understand that. You make that $10,000 sale, and all of a sudden, we have $10,000 to spend—and boy did the family need that money. Bobby needs some more uniforms. Susan needs a new clarinet, and don’t forget we’ve got that thing that we just have to go to. You know that thing!
Poof, the $10,000 is gone.
What should happen is that you set up a business account so that your $10,000 can go there, and then you set up an automatic transfer of “your number” to the family account where your spouse has access to it. I am not saying your spouse can’t see the money, but I am saying that they can’t touch the money.
What you are trying to do is give yourself enough cushion so that you can go back to being the husband and father you were before you started your business.
Let’s say your number is $2K/month. Wouldn’t it be nice to have $24K in your business checking account? That will last you two years! Now, you can go and get that ice cream without stressing about making a sale.
You don’t get freedom from becoming self-employed.
You get freedom when you’re successful at what you do and when you do right by your money. My advice is to figure out what your number is regardless. Figuring out your number and preparing yourself will be beneficial if you happen to lose your job or switch jobs— it will mean less disruption to your family.
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Photo by Carl Heyerdahl on Unsplash
*Investing involves risk. Depending on the types of investments, there may be varying degrees of risk. Investors should be prepared to bear a loss, including total loss of principal.
