Defining the Word “Dad”

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Defining the Word “Dad”

To my Angels

Dear Angels,

I believe that I have a clear understanding of what it means to be a dad. While I know that I cannot allow others to define the term for me because the definition tends to change depending on the person, I will define what it means for me to be your father.

I want to be clear about who I aspire to be in your life. What I want more than anything is to be consistent. I need and want you to have a safe place until you are old enough to build your own safe place. However, I want you to know that your dad is not a perfect man. He isn’t always right, nor is he all-knowing. When you grow up, you will find some serious flaws in me like so many children realize with their parents. I am not the strongest person and I am not the most intelligent. I am a man who strives to be his best so that you have more material to work with when you start molding your own life.

My Expectations

I dedicate myself to you and to helping you be your best self too and I fully expect you to be a little more educated than me and a little bit more self-aware. I insist that you figure out what you want to do with your life just a little bit sooner than I did and I expect you to define yourself in this world a little better than I did. Moreover, I want you to be braver than I am and speak a little bit louder about the things that you believe in. I expect you to be more patient and to be able to read a situation a whole lot better than me. More than anything, I expect you to be happier and to laugh more than I ever have. I expect you to live—truly live.

Finding your own way…

Of course, I learned how to be a father from my father, and I, of course, picked his actions apart. Not to say that he wasn’t a wonderful dad, but there are some things that I choose to do differently—better. After all, that’s what he taught me to do, and that’s my vision for you as well. In today’s world, and I know this because I get to work with all types of people from all walks of life, the roles of men and women are almost interchangeable. I take comfort in this… I don’t need a boy to pass anything off to because I have my angels.

My angels will define what type of women they will be for themselves. You will define what the word “mom” means to you. I hope you will be brave enough to go against society’s definition if you choose to do that. I just hope that I am a positive example for you, a model that helps you define what type of mom you will be.

My Definition

“Dad” means to fill the void in my family’s needs—consistently. I want you to know that when you say the words, “Daddy I need…,” you have my attention. When Daddy says, “I will take care of that,” I want you to walk away without a care in the world because you know that if I committed to doing it, it will get done.

If I’m not able to do it, it’s never due to a lack of effort. I will be where I say I will be. I will sacrifice my own needs for the needs of my family.

My definition is important to me because I have to be in a position to fulfill your needs—consistently. This is my duty; this is my choice. It is a weight that I choose to bear for my family. It is our family compass. My definition guides me; I use it to determine how I can serve each of you individually because It impacts everything in our life from where we live to what you wear to school. It affects the discussions I have with your mother and the talks I have with your teachers. It also impacts whether or not I am involved. I am continually asking the questions, “am I needed.” “Does my wife need me?” “Do I need to handle something so that she can handle an issue that she is better suited to handle?” “Do I need to take a backseat and let you handle it so that you feel empowered?”

My angels, we, your mother and I, get up every day so that we can enjoy our lives with you and prepare you to enjoy your life without us. We make decisions that we feel will impact your life in the most positive way possible. We want you to feel the sheer joy of passing all that we’ve taught you down to your children.

Definitions are important…

There is no parenting manual when kids are born. There is no coach at the hospital instructing dads on how to be involved fathers. The thing about life is… If you don’t define the crucial aspects of it, those aspects will define themselves, and more than likely, you will not like the definitions—definitions are important.

Becoming a dad and raising daughters have taught me that I must define my role. My dedication to you must be intentional; otherwise, I might not do a good job, and that is NOT an option.

I don’t need a parade or to be liked or any of the above. What I need is for you to be happy in your own life.

No matter the time or place or what I am doing, it doesn’t matter who likes me or doesn’t; If you need me, I will be there—filling the void consistently; I am your dad.  

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Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

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