Badge of Honor

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Badge of Honor

What’s up dads?

I’m not saying that if you’re a woman you can’t read this; for this one, I am talking to the dads out there. I’m gonna be honest – it’s a confusing time out there for us dads.  I am trying to find a place where I fit in here, don’t mind me. 

I’m just a man trying to make the women in my life happy.  Within reason, of course.  It took me a long time to figure out that being a man in this world is not a god-given talent.  I had to hone in on learning some new skills directly related to my wife.  For better or for worse, the main job I have in my house is to be the financial leader.

Judging by the look my wife gives me sometimes, it’s for the worse.

I am taking applications for financial leaders in the house, dads. Your wife may currently be the financial leader of your home hence why she reads my blog all the time and that is great! If you’re not the financial leader in the house then you should pick up the slack somewhere else.

Growing up in my house, there were no ‘mom chores’.

There were family chores and we always pulled together to get the job done.  I think that being a financial leader in the house ultimately helps you put your wife on a pedestal.  If that is what she wants. Remember, you have to handle these roles between you and your wife as a team.

But in my house, I am the financial leader, which means, I am the least important person in the house and I wear it like a badge of honor.

Let’s start with the definition of a financial leader.

A financial leader is someone who puts their family first by putting their money first.  It is someone who is calculating how each money decision will affect the overall health of the family, including their own.

For my mental health, I need wine to be in the budget.  If for some reason, I am broke on the street, please don’t bring me food.  Bring me 2017 DAOU Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon, Paso Robles, CA. I will douse my hunger pains with it.

It works wonders.

All kidding aside, if someone in my family has to sacrifice, it will be me.

It will be a long time before I drive a nicer car than my wife.  My wife and children will always be dressed to the nines and I will be dressed to the fives.  I will always try to make decisions so that my family never notices a change in our income. This often means, that we are constantly living below our means.

Sarcastically I have to think, make your family live without money.  That way they don’t know what nice things are.

Daughter:  What is that daddy?

Me:  That is called Hulu.  We stopped watching that in early 2016 when it stopped being free.  Now go back to watching YouTube.  I think we have a little bit more free time with them.

Of course, I’m kidding….sort of.

When you apply to have the job as the provider you want to provide.  The hard part is finding the kind of balance that is right for your family.  Trying to keep your family on a budget without being a butthole about it.  The biggest thing that you need to do is do the job well.  In order to do the job well, you actually have to do more than just shop at payless (I know, I am devastated too!)  I am going to provide you with a small list of examples.

1. Pay bills on time – some of you have trouble with this. You actually have to know about the bill too.  Create a system.  Track it, baby, you can do this.
2. Stay within your own budget – you can’t set a budget with your wife, and then blow the budget up yourself. That is not how this works.
3. Don’t spend all the money – you can’t spend all the money and then when your wife needs to buy something for the family, you blame her for going over budget. It is kind of genius but still wrong.
4. Keep financial statements – yes, you should have a filing system on your computer. And then, you should have a backup for the files…..you know, just in case things go down.
5. Have a plan – you can’t drive the car and not know where you are going while looking at your wife and claiming you know where you’re headed.  It’s annoying.  It’s the same with the finances.  You can’t look at your family and say, we don’t have the money for that.  Then when they ask why, you don’t know.

Come on playa!  You need to be rain man with your stuff.

Wife:  Why can’t we go to Disney Land?

Husband: We don’t have the money in the trip account

Wife:  Can’t we just put it on the credit card?

Husband:  Who’s going to pay that back?

Wife:  Well, we can pay it back over time.

Husband:  Then we can put it in the trip account over time and when the money is in there, we can go.

You gotta make sure your eyes are bugged out when you say that, and your shoulders are broad too, because at that moment, you will be the bad guy. You should wear it like a badge of honor. Know that she won’t be mad very long, because how can someone be mad at you for trying to do what’s right for the family?

Being the financial leader isn’t an easy job.

I may not really want to go to Disneyland because I hate Disneyland. Hawaii’s cool but if we don’t have money in the trip account, we ain’t going there either.  Even though you may want to do it, your family may not be ready to do it. It would be my luck that we put the Hawaii trip on the credit card, get back from Hawaii, and my daughter breaks a leg or the hot water heater goes out or something else happens.

I hear my clients in my office saying to me, well a lot of things could happen. They try to justify why putting it on the credit card

Client:  Don’t tell Armond about that trip to Hawaii

Client’s Husband:  Screw him….He doesn’t need to know that.

Me:  You know we’re friends on Facebook right, so I saw all your selfie’s with Hawaii in the background

I can’t be a great financial leader for my family if I’m worried about how they may be upset with me.

I am the Chief Officer of this house.

She is the Vice President and the Chairman of the board. She can fire my butt at any time, hand me my walking papers and I guess I will be out. If I am truly putting my family’s financial needs above my own.  If I truly am trying to put my family first and she fires me, I will wear it like a badge of honor.

I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Photo by Steve Shreve on Unsplash