It’s a Girl and She is Getting Married

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It’s a Girl and She is Getting Married

So many times I have sat in my office looking at a brand new baby with the proud parents.

Parents: Armond, isn’t she beautiful?

Me:  she absolutely is!

I can see the dad just gushing over his brand new little angel.  It’s almost like the love is flowing right out of him into this little girl.  It is a beautiful thing to see and from what I have experienced, it is one of the most wonderful feelings on earth.

She’s getting married.

She is getting married dad and that is going to cost you a lot of money.  And you sir…..you are going to want to pay for that.  Well, you are not going to want to pay for it, but you will.

It is going to suck if you want to know the truth.  I am going to be happy for my daughter, I am just not going to be happy.

Pause.

I am going to be happy that I get to be a wonderful dad and be there for my daughter.  For sure, I want to be happy and present for what she deems as her “special day”.

I just know, when that day comes, that damn day will suck.  Actually, from the moment that knucklehead asks for my permission to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage up until the time she says ‘I do’ WILL SUCK!

There is a lot to unpack here so I am going to unpack it.

None of you are married to me unless my wife is reading this right now, but everyone else reading this, I am not married to you.

You may not know this about me because I appear so put together, but I freak out about money.  I especially freak out about spending money frivolously and I hate going over budget.  It is like going to Disneyland on steroids.  You are literally raking me across the coals and I am supposed to smile about this.

Disneyland Attendant:  Welcome to the happiest place on earth!

Me:  I know what you are doing.

Disneyland Attendant:  You want to meet Mickey, Mckayla?!  (The attendant looks up at me with a little smile and winks)

Mckayla:  Yes!!!!!! (She’s never been this damn excited)

Disneyland Attendant:  Let’s Go!

Me:  In my head picturing myself flushing my money down the drain

You see, a man marrying my daughter will be about the same.

Knucklehead:  Sir, I would like to marry your daughter

Me: Really

Brain Thought:  No you don’t

Knucklehead:  I really love her

Me:  Really

Brain Thought:  You don’t know what love is and there’s no way you love her more than me.  I would literally kill you right now over her………..No hesitation

Knucklehead:  With your blessing, I would love to be your daughter’s husband

Me:  Really…

Brain Thought:  I have to pay for this?  I literally have to walk my baby down the aisle and hand her off to this knucklehead who thinks he knows what love is and step to the side like I am old news.

She IS getting married.

Love is when you are sitting in my office, looking at a brand new little girl with the love flowing out of you directly into her, while your financial advisor says to you……..She is getting married.

Why is that love…..because you would do anything for her.  ANYTHING!  And that includes paying for a wedding that you don’t want to pay for.

The only thing that is going to calm my nerves is if I don’t have to worry about money.  I am the man that will have the money set aside in an investment-ready account to pay for this wedding.

The family meeting will go something like this:

I have $30,000 in a UTMA account to pay for the wedding.  This money is yours for the wedding.  You can spend it all or you can spend less and have it for other things – more important things.

Stay within the budget.

I am not going to tell my daughter this but my wife is pretty much going to be in on the internal conversation because she knows that I am freaking the BLEEP out!  The way I handle these situations is…….DON’T BOTHER ME!  I have $30,000 in the bank for you…….I have done my Job!

Don’t ask me to plan anything, do anything, or pick anyone up.

It’s not because I am pouting or mad or lazy. I’m simply trying not to wig out.

Let me plan my speech for my daughter’s wedding

Leave me alone.

When a man is sitting in my office and I am telling him his daughter is getting married.  I am trying to do him a favor.  Ask any of my clients and they will tell you they start saving from day one.  I am just trying to put you in the position to not have to worry about money.  So for about $3.33/day, you too could not worry about the money when your daughter marries a knucklehead.

If I have to worry about the money I imagine it would go a little like this:

Daughter:  How does this dress look on?

Me:  You look so beautiful in it baby.

Brain thought:  Oh God!

Daughter:  I really want this dress, Daddy!

Sales Woman:  Sir, It really looks good on her.  (Smiles at me devilishly)

Daughter:  You really like it, Daddy?!

Me:  Oh yeah! It looks amazing.

Brain Thought: Oh God!

Sales Woman:  Smiles approvingly while gently nodding her head yes.  (Smiles at me devilishly)

Daughter:  Great!  Let’s get this one.

Sales Woman:  I will take this to the cash register for you.

Sales Woman Brain Thought:  Cha-Ching!

I hug my daughter and bring her to the front of the store.

Sales Woman: That will be $6,000.

Me: OK

Major Brain Thought:

OH GOD.  Where am I getting the money for this?

I guess I could transfer it from the savings account to the checking account.  Suppose I don’t have to buy a new car for another couple of years.  Returning those jeans I just purchased back to the store and getting a refund would be wise.  Do people still suck gas out of gas tanks to fill up their car, because I could do that!  Why is this dress $6,000?  It is for one freaking day!  Somebody hand me a brown paper bag because I can’t breathe.

Daughter:  I love you, Daddy.

Me:  I love you too.

Trust me.  It is best for everyone that I remove myself from the situation as much as I possibly can.  It is best that I have the money saved up to pay for that day so that I don’t freak out.   My wife also knows that if I have $30,000 saved up for that day, that is how much we have for that day.  And when daddy is not happy…..daddy just might wig out.  It is possible that I might blow everything up and walk away from the rubble like a bad guy in a Disney Cartoon.

I know that it seems crazy to think that far in advance.

And as you can see, I have thought about it a lot.  However, I think it is best for everyone’s sanity that you put money away to help your children because you are going to want to be there for them. It actually puts you in the best possible position for you to be the best YOU possible.

If you are not worried about the money, you can assess the situation calmly and really be there, present in the moment as much as you possibly can.  You can calmly walk your daughter down the aisle and be happy that she is happy while just experiencing the moment.

You can even chuckle to yourself as they give each other their vows and have one last special brain thought;

These knuckleheads have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

Look at your daughter one last time as just YOUR daughter.  Catch a glimpse of her eye and mentally tell her you love her again, proving to her and yourself that once again when she needed you, you were there.

So again, congratulations on your new baby girl………She is getting married.

Photo by Shardayyy Photography